On learning to sleep through kicks and how I'm just as likely to cry over…
All of my closest friends are artists but even though I’m very artistic in my expressions (dress and home decorations), I don’t indulge much in tangible art creation. Yes I do go through moments when I write, I do go through moments when I draw, other times I’ll photograph, I’ll occasionally delve into another creation aspect like when I used a blow torch to make runic keychains out of silver clay. But in general I don’t do anything. That has been trying to change for a while.
It first started with a desire to write letters to baby Fox and now it has evolved to me itching to locate my drawing supplies in the mess of moving boxes that is the garage. I found coloring pencils, I found my oil pastels, now if I could just find my sketching pencil, eraser and sketch pad. I’ll give it until next paycheck and cave in and buy new ones if I haven’t found them by then.
I don’t know how much (if at all) they’ll get used, I also have no idea what will come out of it but now that I’m finally reading the Birthing from Within book, this desire makes sense.
That brings me to something else that I’m still debating on… what to do with the placenta. Most people find this gross and don’t want to even look at it, trusting the hospital to send it off to pathology never to be seen again. In my case I find the placenta to be a very powerful symbol and an important component in this rite of passage. As I have looked at pictures of placentas I see how it’s look closely resembles the tree of life and I don’t find that to be coincidental.
So even though I’m very tempted to encapsulate the placenta into pills, I’m also thinking of making art from it to commemorate such a special day (if you are curious about what I mean, type “placenta prints” on Google image search). I’m nowhere close on a decision on this matter other than I definitely don’t want it just thrown away after it’s examined. It is something that I have been thinking about since I started researching for my birth plan.
Speaking of birth plans, at first I thought that my birth plan would focus primarily on what we would prefer if we have to transfer from home to the hospital in case of emergency. I was fortunate that this was the topic of conversation at the latest Mother’s Monday at Mary’s where Hailey (who we hope will honor us by being our doula) mentioned something that hadn’t occurred to me, that the birth plan should include things I would like said, done or offered (or not). This is where pet peeves come in, and as someone with many pet peeves and low tolerance for them on a good day, I feel it important for my birth support team to be forewarned about some do’s and don’ts at a time when I may not feel like myself. Of course I am currently drawing a blank as to what those pet peeves are but I’m sure that something will come up, in the meantime I try to look at it from a positive angle as things I do want said, done or offered. We’ll see…
I’ve always heard people talk about the pregnancy glow, I don’t really see it, when I look in the mirror I see dark under eye circles from being tired and having my sleep regularly disrupted by trips to the bathroom and having to struggle to change positions. But apparently it looks different from an outside perspective as more than 6 people in so many way felt compelled to go out of their way to comment on how good I look.
An interesting aspect that the books and other people don’t mention, is how much personality you can tell from the baby while still in the womb. It brings me immense amounts of laughter and joy to make observations from baby’s behavior to situation and determine what he/she gets from me and what he gets from daddy Fox.
For example, baby Fox likes dark soda, chocolate and chocolate chip cookies, something that I personally don’t like and would seldom if ever ingest pre-pregnancy. But those are all things that Daddy Fox loves and baby does a happy dance in the belly every time I give him/her some.
On the other hand, he/she also does a happy dance when I eat broccoli and falafels, foods that I love but Daddy Fox isn’t into at all.
So it wasn’t so surprising as it was just super cute when I discovered that baby Fox is a tree hugger just like his mommy. Most people think of tree huggers as just a label for hippies, Pagans or environmentalists. Yes, I’m all of the above but I’m also a LITERAL tree hugger. More than once I’ve gotten weird looks at parks, parking lots and sometimes even sidewalks because I couldn’t resist and would just hug a tree I saw. I even go through withdrawal symptoms if too many days go by without me connecting with a tree.
We have a huge backyard but our vegetation is composed of bushes and palm trees. Nothing wrong with hugging palm trees but they are not as affectionate as other types of trees. So when Fox and I were walking by the water on downtown Ft Pierce and I saw this huge friendly tree I just had to go and hug it. This time I decided to bring baby Fox into the hug and gently press my bump against the trunk, I started to laugh as baby Fox immediately proceeded to move and kick against the trunk as if trying to hug it back.
I noticed that as time passes my interests have been shifting from learning about pregnancy to learning about childbirth and parenting. I admit that the thought of a natural birth is scary at first because I have such a fear of pain but at the same time I know that it’s empowering, right and something that I am capable of.
I have considered hiring an EFT practitioner that specializes in helping women with pregnancy and childbirth. I am certified in EFT, I know how to do it myself, but when it comes to the big and important things I find it useful to have an outsider’s perspective.
This woman was VERY helpful to me in early pregnancy as I dealt with the fear and paranoia resulting from the trauma of my previous miscarriages. As a magickal person and manifester I knew very well how much influence my thoughts and emotions could have, even unconsciously. 1 1/2 sessions with her later I was able to heal the trauma enough that I no longer felt like I was unconsciously sabotaging myself with fear and anxiety.
The surprising thing about when I think about my fears towards this upcoming experience is that I am not afraid of being in pain. That’s a big shock to me. Instead my fear is of a long, exhausting labor. In my dreams things have played out the total opposite, with labor being so fast that in 2 cases the midwife didn’t make it in time and in one case Fox was in the other room and even he didn’t make it on time but I recognize that dreaming it doesn’t mean that’s how things will play out and I want to be as emotionally prepared as possible for whatever scenario unfolds so this is probably going to be the primary aspect that I’ll focus on when I get around to working on EFT.