I regularly get asked “Are you trying/going to try for the girl?” I always answer no, in the “we are not trying right now but I don’t know what the future will bring” way. As my kids get older I feared that the baby fever would strike and get worse but I am actually finding it to get better. I don’t feel incomplete for not having a girl and I don’t like the idea of having more kids than I have hands.
My main reason for not trying to conceive is that my husband hasn’t indicated that he wants more and I am not going to make the choice for him. Before Zen was conceived he had mentioned 3 kids but after Zen was born I tried to test the waters a couple of times just to see if he still felt the same so I would have an idea what to expect but he evaded the subject so I took that as a no.
Additionally, kids are expensive. While we are not rich, we like to have certain luxuries like taking Disney vacations which becomes more expensive with each child.
Also, I never wanted a big family (heck, for most of my life I didn’t want ANY kids) and while I love motherhood, my body sucks at pregnancy and birth. I actually fear getting pregnant again because I am afraid of dying (nothing like having a complication during birth where you overhear a medical provider mention “crash cart” to put you face to face with your mortality). Call me selfish but I’d rather be the happy mother of 2 than risk having 3 orphans with a single father.
The fact I have noticed a trend of increased miscarriages, congenital defects and stillbirths among not only friends and acquaintances but my clients at work and well… I have never been much of a gambler but don’t like the look of the odds when so many different things could go wrong, I feel like I got lucky twice and don’t want to push that luck. This may sound pessimistic but I like to be a realist when it comes to life changing decisions.
This week, my stance has evolved from “fear of what could happen” to “I am happy with what I have”. As Zen goes deeper into toddler-hood I find that I don’t miss having a baby as much as I thought I would, I get my baby fix helping other people’s babies breastfeed and then they take them home and I am happy. I am really enjoying watching my kids’ development and new milestones and I don’t want to be distracted from that by the demands of an infant.
The other day I was thrilled because we went on a nature walk and I was able to hold hands with my husband. That was a big deal to me! We hadn’t been able to do that for years because we were usually pushing a stroller, pulling a wagon or holding a little hand. I had missed something so simple so much!
While I can’t say that circumstances may change. As of right now I can declare that I am done having kids and I am happy with it.