Posted in Baby Foxes

When a crunchy momma does a soggy thing

I didn’t think that I would be blogging again before baby but here I am sitting a day before my scheduled c-section and have a lot in my mind.

I hang around the crunchy mama community in my area, it’s just my type of people because we have so much in common, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, etc.  It’s not surprising that the bulk of them are homebirthers as well.  Now that word has been spreading about my birth plans, I have been feeling a lot of judgment over the fact that I’m having a scheduled c-section.  I can see it being hard to understand why someone as crunchy as me would be planning something like this, if I was an outsider I would be shocked too.  A lot of the judgment has been indirect, nothing being said to my face but getting the look and tone that I know all too well and the things that I hear from 3rd parties confirm that it’s there.

I don’t really blame them for judging as I understand where they are coming from, the sad thing about it is that I guess I feel misunderstood because the vast majority of them don’t know WHY I’m stuck with a scheduled c-section.  Anybody that has been reading this blog since my first pregnancy knows how I feel about convenience c-sections with no medical reason but not everybody has read my blog, specially going that far back in time.

Most of them don’t know the circumstances that led to my first c-section as I don’t feel like constantly telling that story. Most of them don’t understand why a homebirth VBAC is not a viable option for us, specially with the providers in this area.  None of them know that an unassisted birth is not a viable option in my case.  Almost none of them know that the scar tissue in my cervix greatly reduces my odds of a successful VBAC making the effort of driving 1+ hour south or North to a hospital and doctor that would let me have a “trial of labor” is almost not worth the hassle and extra expense.

They also don’t understand that since my odds of having a successful VBAC are less than 50% I would also be setting myself up for a worse round of PPD/PTSD if I ended up with a repeat emergency section.

I did my research, I learned the risks. It was a very hard decision early in my pregnancy, I started planning a VBAC but the more I researched the available options the more I got discouraged.  I know many people that have had successful VBACs, some as recently as a few weeks ago but they don’t have the same risk factors that I do.

I admit that I’m scared but I would be even more scared of attempting a vaginal birth.  The fact that a Facebook friend recently attempted a VBAC at a hospital and her uterus ruptured thus depriving her baby of oxygen in the couple of minutes it took the doctor to perform the c-section and now she is burying her baby this week, it just breaks my heart and messes with my mind.  I know that the odds of that happening to me are very slim but they’re still there and her experience is too recent in my memory so it would sabotage me mentally.

I don’t expect everyone to understand, but since most people will just jump to conclusions without giving me a chance to explain why I had to get this out of my chest.

If all goes well by this time tomorrow I’ll be holding my new baby.  I’m ready but I’m also anxious and excited, no need to ask me if I am.  I am also nervous but that’s normal.  I probably won’t sleep tonight.

38weeks and 6 days, 2 days before the scheduled arrival of “Thing #2”
Posted in Baby Foxes

In the final stretch!

This 3rd trimester seems to be flying by, 37 weeks today!  I guess it’s a good thing since this round has been a LOT more uncomfortable than my first pregnancy.  Despite feeling crappy in one way or another 24/7 I still don’t have the “I’m sick of being pregnant” feeling that a lot of moms talk about.  I’m sick of feeling crappy, of swollen feet 24/7, I’m sick of not being able to clean my house even if I want to, I’m sick of having small tasks such as picking toys off the floor leaving me in pain and gasping for air but I’m nowhere near sick of pregnancy itself.  Does that make me a masochist?
What I think does make me a masochist is to agree to go to Disney World so late in pregnancy.  I had done pretty good at keeping swelling at bay until that uber hot day waddling around a park.  Now I have permanent cankles as a souvenir but it was worth it to see the look of absolute joy in my son’s face when meeting his favorite Star Wars character Chewbacca.  Chewie was a good sport and gave him a hug before posing for photos.
 
I’m excited and terrified at the fact that I’ll soon be tandem nursing.  Even though Shammy has made great strides in his weaning journey, he is down to nursing twice a day for a short time I’m afraid that he’ll regress to close to a newborn pattern once baby is here.  Meanwhile I still enjoy our bond although I admit that sometimes it’s not comfortable, we’ve been having latch issues recently and it’s hard to nurse while having contractions but it’s hard to resist when he asks nicely.  Plus he’s still getting lots of immunity from it, he’s been exposed to sick people, even his father was very sick and they had very close interaction yet Shammy remained perfectly healthy, can’t beat that benefit!
nursing while contracting
Something that I’m a little anxious about is sleep after baby is born, not about how much or when I’ll sleep but rather WHERE I’ll sleep.  Right now we have an awesome cosleeping arrangement with a king size mattress and a full size mattress together on the floor, everybody has plenty of room to roll around  and lots of room for a new addition and if Shammy rolls off the bed it’s only an 8 inch fall that sometimes doesn’t even wake him up.  However when Shammy was born I had a horrible time getting up from a regular height bed, I don’t see any way that I could possibly get up from the floor at least for the first week or 2.  I’m dreading having to sleep in the crappy futon but I may have no choice unless a recliner mysteriously shows up in my front door.

it’s not hell at all
As much as I love that Shammy has been able to rear face in his carseat this long and I would love to keep him that way, he is at the max for height for his seat rear facing even though he has many pounds left for weight.  Sadly there are few carseats that I can buy that will give him many inches to grow AND fit in the backseat of our car and they’re out of our budget so this month we get to turn his seat around at the same time that we install a second carseat.  I admit to feeling a little heartbroken about this but at least he was able to make it to the month of his 2nd birthday rearfacing thus meeting the minimum safety recommendation.

My nesting urge has been stronger this round but it also has been somewhat unconventional.  Instead of being obsessed with cleaning (I’m upset enough that I can’t clean what I want) I’ve been nesting by stocking up on consumables like toilet paper and trying to pay some bills in advance to make it easier on hubby while I’m not working.

When people ask “are you scared?”, they usually refer to labor and birth but to be quite honest what I’m terrified about is being home alone with 2 kids for a whole day.
Given my slow rate of writing this is most likely my last post this pregnancy, the next one will probably be a birth announcement, agh!
Posted in Baby Foxes, Team Fox

Second Pregnancy Blues

I commend those very active mother bloggers that are able to post content several times a week. They obviously don’t have a stream of consciousness writing style like mine as it’s near impossible for me to finish typing a thought before getting interrupted. I really wish that I could write more, there is so much I want to share!

The fact that this pregnancy has kicked my ass hasn’t helped matters. With Shammy I was huge and uncomfortable but didn’t have reason to call the midwife at all. This round I have had to call the Dr more than once a week for several weeks and have had to seriously contemplate the possibility of a trip to L&D more than once. I am at a point that any type of physical activity beyond moderate walking triggers painful and regular contractions. I can’t even load the dishwasher or do laundry without being out of commission for an hour afterwards while I try to get the contractions to stop. The Doctor’s response? “listen to your body… lie down and drink lots of fluids…. I don’t care if your house gets dirty…”

I do care that the house is getting out of hand, we’ve never been the poster family of OCD clean but I hate that something as simple as picking up toys from the living room floor is beyond my scope. So imagine how easy it is for me to chase after the toddler when I’m home alone all day, I usually feel like death by the time he finally goes down for a nap.

This round it feels like making it to 31 weeks is an accomplishment but enough whining about me…

 

I’m starting to become annoyed at the fact that so many websites/books make a mom feel like she can’t breastfeed without a breastpump. I know that I felt that way too the first time around and securing the right pump at the right time became a source of stress. I am not anti-breastpump, they are great, they have their place, but they’re not a must have item like consumerist advice sources seem to make us feel, specially if mom is not going back to work again. There can be some cases in which a mom may have to pump in the first few days (baby in the NICU, etc) but having it “just in case” seems to cause more trouble than is needed. I’ve seen cases of oversupply, nipple confusion from introducing bottle too early and unnecessary stress about milk supply because a pump is a horrible indicator of how much milk a breast truly has.

I’m not trying to tell people to not get a pump, but rather hold off on it until AFTER baby is born to see if you truly need it (they’re expensive!), I don’t recommend pumping for at least the first 2 weeks and if you must for a medical reason, the hospital or WIC can set you up quickly.

So what if you need to pump milk and don’t have a pump? Hand expression is free and not that hard. Feel like you must have a pump? go ahead, just don’t become its slave and let it mess with your confidence.

Speaking of WIC, there is a new petition floating around the internet to have WIC provide cloth diapers to low income families. As huge of a cloth diaper advocate that I am I did not sign this petition. Why? Because it will never happen! I’m not against the government helpingwithcloth diapers but this is not the program for that. WIC is a nutrition program funded by the US Department of Agriculture, cloth diapers are not food. It takes an act of congress to change anything about what WIC gives and even if congress wanted to support fluff, it will never be through the WIC program.

Speaking of fluff, I have become quite the fluff-activist lately. I’ve had the opportunity to teach a couple of cloth diaper classes and during Real Diaper Week in April I converted no less than 9 moms to cloth diapers, yay!

 

Shammy has gotten a new nickname from my husband, he is now the “boob zombie” because when he wakes up in the morning he walks around groggily saying “side…. side…. side….” until he finds my boob. (side is the word that he uses for nursing).

Even though he’s not going to finish weaning anytime soon, he is taking steps in that direction and my pregnancy hormones are making it very hard for me to cope with it emotionally. The first time he went to sleep without asking to nurse I cried. The other night I woke up in the middle of the night, remembered this poem and cried uncontrollably for almost 2 hours over the last 3 lines of it.

Wean Me Gently

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don’t get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing –

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don’t break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

~ Cathy Cardall

 

my cloth diaper advocate rocking his mohawk even when sleeping